Written monthly by Robert Henry Cerv III
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to all my friends, family, and fellow
P-Doggs: Dukey, Cher, Animal, Dane, Big Bob, Kris, Haley, Tall Paul, Jew (I got u
in), all the Kimmels, etc. But there has been a great disturbance in the wake
of this new year, and I, Rowdy Robbie, have vowed to serve up the biggest, the
grandest, the most electrifying can of smack in the history of the universe.
Mr. Edward Foy is going to be proud.
Here were a couple of Christmas wish lists that may or may not have been fulfilled:
Potty's Christmas wish list:
1. Another car
Hielscher's Christmas wish list:
1. Tinny sneaking into his bedroom around the midnight hour
2. Himself sneaking into Tinny's bedroom around the midnight hour
The year 2000 has been an interesting year overall, and a great year for disc golf in the City of Broken Dreams and throughout Nebraska. I had the privledge of attending both A Call to Arms in Omaha and the 2nd Annual Dave Kimmel Memorial Tourney in my home town, CBD. Both events attracted quite the crowd, ranging from hippees stuck in the 70s to prima donna pros. From the Animal to Mr. Bill himself, this was 4:20...I mean disc golf at its greatest. It is these low lifes that we tend to forget during the holidays. The Animal was not only forgotten by me, but every girl that ever laid eyes on him. Raymond Hielscher was the most priceless human being of all. In fact, I am inspired so much by his pricelessness, I created the following list ranking the top ten most priceless people i know:
1. Ray Hielscher (Too priceless)
2. Travis Flores (He's money)
3. Zev Love S a.k.a. Samuel Wehbe a.k.a. Deluxe Ecstatic (Dad is from Saturn, Mom is from Uranus)
4. Mr. Bill (The essence of tie die and the beauty of being happy with yourself)
5. Andog (Is he ever not in da house?)
6. Caleb "Noah" Hielscher (Choke city in the Showdown, was his mind sidetracked by Tin?)
7. Samantha Dutra (Always just a phone call away)
8. Nicholas Phelps/Melville (Master pimp himself, good luck in rehab! Clean those teeth, please!)
9. Dane Ross (co-most priceless hair)
10. Michael Birch (co-most priceless hair)
There you have it. Not much smack there but Dukey says I have to focus on disc golf at least 50% to get this column published. What do I say? Dukey, you can take your 50% and in the words of the great Andog,"Stick it up your lil' rootie poo, candy beep jibronee!"
That i say is enough focusing on disc golf! Real smack can not be created or inspired by someone giving me a subject to write about. Real smack comes from within.
As I sit with 1 minute left in the year 2000, I conder up strength from deep down within this rowdy nature of mine. 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, the trains are blowing their horns as it is now a new year. Quite an exhilirating experience. I'm sure the local hoes and basketball team of your town are currently enjoying a liquor-enhanced version of 4:20. The doom awaits all those that will, and i repeat, will have this smack stemmed towards them. I dare you to read on...
Editor's note: The conclusion of January's smack was just a bit too tasteless to publish. If you are old enough to see PG-13 rated movies and would like to read the rest of smack, please make a request here. WARNING: If Robert Henry Cerv III knows you you, he probably takes a shot at you in the uncensored piece.
Happy new year, Doggs.
- The Notorious All-Star, Rowdy Robbie Piper